I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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