she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
