I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
