what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
