Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
