Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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