I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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