We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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