Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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