bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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