Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
