your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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