My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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