he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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