i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
