so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
