You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize