Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
