My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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