dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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