Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
