Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
