i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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