6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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