I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
