just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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