Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
