someone threw a dead crab at me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
