cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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