I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
