Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
