I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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