Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
