True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just puked most of my soul out..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
