were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
