Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
