It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
