Don't you send me to vm
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
