Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
