beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
