Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
