just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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