you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
