Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
