My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is my gift to your gina
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
