is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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