even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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