that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
