there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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