I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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