its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
