my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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