The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
