On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
