She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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