somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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