So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
