I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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