look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
