i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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