just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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