Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
