what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
