i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
