I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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