Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize