i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bring me that man meat
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize