dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
