You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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