the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
