Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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