hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
