ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
