Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
