How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
