HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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