got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
