yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
