I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
