I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
not ubering you a puppy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize