Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My ass is underappreciated
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
