Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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