i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
