too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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