If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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