I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
