Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
