absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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