yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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