I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
