alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
