God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
