this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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