on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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