can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
