he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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