; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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