I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My ass is underappreciated
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
